Never Letting Go
by nemurustar
Summary: They were still having feelings they held for each other even after breaking up. It becomes a bad habit neither could break but each held on to his pride, not giving in. Just how long will their feud last while Kakashi still has Iruka in his mind? kakairu
1. shouldn't still love you

_A.N.: The time line here is set during the 3 years Naruto is out training under Jiraiya's tutelage._

**Prologue**

His eyes watched as the naturally cheerful man responded to the flirtatious gestures of his colleague. His heart clenched a little at that, not entirely comfortable with the heart-wrenching sight. Still, he had to keep up with appearances and acted as if such a sight was out of his radar and entirely none of his business. It was, after all, none of his business. He just had to keep reminding himself that.

Kakashi ignored the girl as she went on and on about something he was not entirely sure about, or care, for that matter. It was a cheap trick she was trying to pull in order to see beyond his mask. Smiling vaguely at that, his mind thought _Nice try, lady. Better luck next lifetime._ Just as well, he felt another set of eyes boring into him. Turning around, he found himself staring right into said eyes. They kept each others gazes for a full minute before Kakashi cracked a teasing grin, which he knew that man could see right through the mask. He felt a sudden surge of a cheap thrill as the other broke the gaze with not so much as a smile. It was petty, he knew, but at that moment, Kakashi felt proud of himself for being able to hide his mad jealousy for the other guy. Had he had his way, wouldn't he had loved to punch the cheesy grin off Genma's face right at that moment.

The girl beside suddenly stopped with whatever she went on about and pointed to the general direction he was looking at. "Hey, isn't that the Academy teacher who like, mans the mission desk in the afternoons? Umino Iruka isn't it? Oh yeah! Weren't you in charge of three of his students? That Uchiha kid and that Kyuubi brat? Sad case that was with the Uchiha kid eh? I'm sorry about that." the girl went on and on with her little monologue while he took out his infamous orange book, telling her subtly to buzz off, _Kakashi style_. It appeared that the girl was not as dumb as he expected and took the message, by excusing herself with a little huff. _About time too.  
_

"Well wasn't that mean, senpai?" Yamato chuckled while he slipped into the sit which was previously occupied by the girl. Kakashi gave a curt "Yo!" to acknowledge the man's presence, nose still stuck inbetween the pages of his cheesy novel. Yamato's sight followed the previous occupant before turning his attention back to his senior. "So what's wrong with her? She's a pretty one." Kakashi gave the younger man a _who-are-you-talking-about_ look. Yamato sighed audibly and shook his head. "You're a funny one, senpai." Kakashi shrugged nonchalantly before returning his attention back to page 68 of his novel. After a while and a couple of drinks later, Yamato had a familiar grin on his face. "Shall we head back to my place for a few more drinks, senpai?" Kakashi paused for a while as he contemplated on the opportunity held out to him on a silver platter. With a sigh, the pale haired Jounin clapped his book shut and pocketed it. "Why not?"

As they stood up and left the bar, a pair of brown eyes followed the pair. A nauseous churn welled up in his stomach, better known as jealousy. "Hey Iruka, are you alright?" the voice of Genma broke through his thoughts. Immediately he put on his warm smile. "Yeah I'm alright. Just thinking that's all." _Yeah. Just thinking about _not_ thinking things I should have forgotten ages ago alright._

A few stops away from reaching Yamato's apartment block, Kakashi stood still. At the sudden stop, Yamato looked back. "Senpai, what's wrong?" he inquired gently. "Tenzou," Yamato stood still as Kakashi called him in that non-joking tone. This would usually mean that the next few words were probably not what he would like hearing. "I think I'm not up for it after all." Tenzou waited patiently for the other to explain himself, or give a lame excuse. His question did not need to be asked.

"I'm just feeling a little tired right now. Perhaps another time alright. Thanks for the invite though." With that Kakashi turned around and headed back to his own apartment, leaving Tenzou to watch his retreating back silently, aware of the situation he was in but not quite understanding why.

Even though he should probably take up on Yamato's offer to provide a little distraction in his life, Kakashi could not bring himself up to do it. No, not when _he_ was still lingering in his thoughts every. single. moment. in his life. It was over a year ago. Still he could not help seeing _his_ face in his mind's eye.

With sigh, Kakashi made up his mind to pay the Hokage a visit and demand for the next S-class solo mission available. These days, the only thing he could distract himself from such thoughts was work.

_It's for the best._ He keeps reminding himself. Now, if only such words would really sink in.

__________________________________________________________________

A.N.: Alright, Nemurustar here. This is my second Kakairu fanfic so a little R&R please.


	2. Chapter 1: tricks of the heart

**Chapter 1**

"They are no longer your students, Iruka-sensei. They are my soldiers."

Kakashi watched in mild amusement as his words finally shut the Academy teacher up. He could not help but feel bad for such a cute guy going all huffy on him just because he had nominated his students for the Chuunin examination; Most teachers would have been proud to see their students being nominated the very year they graduated. Still, it was a pleasant surprise to see the mild mannered teacher he spoke to earlier held such a fiery temper behind his polite words.

He knew Kurenai was giving him the _don't you even think about it_ look. She already had an idea what was going through his mind. Kakashi kept up with his indifferent facade.

As the meeting finally came to an end, with the young Chuunin rushing his way out, not too pleased with the turn of events, Kakashi gave a sigh and tailed after him.

"If you're here just to rub my foolishness in my face, you can jolly well forget about it, _Jounin-sama._" Iruka's voice dripped with sarcasm while he spoke, fully aware of whom it was tailing after him without the need to turn and look.

"Maa, why would I do that, Iruka-sensei?" Kakashi hopped down from his perch right in front of the Chuunin he had undoubtedly ridiculed in front of all the other teachers in Konoha.

Iruka glared at the man, trying his hardest not to snap and whack the person in the head out of frustration knowing that he would probably miss anyway. "What do you want?"

Kakashi stared for a moment, somehow attracted to the luscious lips set in an unintentionally cute pout. Catching his attention back to the situation at hand, before anyone could catch him embarrassing himself, Kakashi cleared his throat a little before voicing his proposition.

"Alright Iruka-sensei, how about this? You can go see for yourself how much the kids have developed and judge on their capabilities in fairing for the exam. If you are still adamant about not putting them through this test, I will personally visit the Hokage to retract my nominations. On top of that, I'll even buy you dinner at the place of your choice, order anything you want."

Iruka's watched the pale haired Jounin with scrutiny. "Are you sure about this? I mean the dinner part is unnecessary, but to retract your nominations?"

Kakashi gave a shrug, his hands well secured in his pockets. "Of course. Take the dinner part as an apology of sorts. However, if you find them capable enough, the nominations will remain as they are... and instead, you'll buy me miso-ramen at Ichiraku tonight." Kakashi's visible eye curved up cheerfully in a grin. "Meet me at the roof tops near Ichiraku at 6 this evening with your verdict. See you later, Iruka-sensei." He walked away before the flabbergasted Chuunin could form cohesive words to properly reject him.

Of course that evening, Kakashi had a wonderful paid-for dinner at Ichiraku in the company of the adorably pissed-off Iruka.

"I can't believe I actually fell for this trick! From the start, all you wanted was a free dinner, wasn't it?" Iruka fumed as drank his broth.

"Maa, maa, Iruka-sensei! When you put it that way, you're just making me sound cheap!" Once again, that annoying upward curved eye thing was on his face. Iruka stared at the empty bowl in front of the Jounin. _When the hell did he eat?_

Kakashi kept up with the grin, fully aware of what was going on through the Chuunin's mind. It was very typical of others to react that way around him. "I just wanted to in the wonderful company of the cute dolphin-sensei of Konoha for dinner!" Kakashi could not resist teasing the young teacher, much to Iruka's chagrin. Watching the adorable blush making its way along the scarred nose, Kakashi thought, was endearingly entertaining. He kept in mind to tease the man more often in the future.

"Shut up!" once again, the pout made an appearance, this time it was hidden behind the cup as the young teacher took a sip of his tea, no doubt fuming again.

"But you know, Iruka-sensei, I would never put them up for the nominations had I thought that they were not ready for it. I would never risk their lives that way." Iruka stopped in the midst of his sipping to watch the infamous Copy nin, surprised at the sudden serious tone. It was then Iruka realized how very foolish he was not to trust his superior's judgment. After all, wouldn't the more experienced shinobi have more sense then to carelessly send the kids off to an early grave?

Iruka finally let out a sigh. "Well I guess I owe you an apology for my rude behavior earlier, don't I? I'm sorry Kakashi-sensei, for lack of trust I placed in your judgment earlier." he finally flashed the other a defeated grin.

Once again, Kakashi's smile was hidden behind his mask, leaving the cheerful curve of an eye as an indication. "Well, then. As an apology, I demand to have dinner with you for an entire week."

Iruka's smiling face quickly turned to a glare, only to find that the Jounin had excused himself and left the premises. His lips scrunched up into a pout wondering what kind of mess he had manged to get himself into this time. _Stupid Kakashi-sensei feeding off my measly paycheck. _

Meanwhile, a few blocks away, The legendary Sharingan Kakashi walked gleefully back to his apartment, very entertained by the turn of events. Perhaps accepting the offer to take up the 3 students did not seem like such a bad idea after all. Especially when he could come across such an unexpectedly interesting character that was Umino Iruka. Life, Kakashi predicted, might get a little more interesting after all.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Kakashi jolted up from his dream, only to be rudely reminded of his stitched side. Groaning a little in pain, the pale haired man peered down to see that the wound on his right abdomen started to bleed through the bandages again. Muttering a curse at the bloody sight, Kakashi gingerly made his way to the bathroom to fetch his first aid box to change the dressing once more.

Once again, he had a dream about his first time he had asked Iruka out. It brought a bittersweet smile upon his lips, thoroughly missing the younger man's presence.

He had once again gotten himself injured during his mission to the point that he had to limp back home slowly, too tired to teleport himself back from the hospital after showing his face to the Hokage to let her note down his return, 3 weeks later than anticipated. He would have never hear the end of it too from the old lady if she found out he had burnt up his chakra just to return home quickly, so the injured ex-ANBU had to make his way back home manually.

_You'll kill yourself this way if you keep this up._ His mind spoke, voice eerily similar to that of his sensei's. Kakashi always figured that he would die in battle one day, and from the looks of the current state, he figured it would be sooner rather than later. It was the main reason why he left his relationship with the chuunin. He did not want to put Iruka through the pain he felt when all his loved ones left him permanently; to bring back the feelings the young Chuunin probably felt when he lost his parents, in which, undoubtedly, what Kurenai was going through at the moment with the recent news of the death of her beloved.

At least the woman still had the seed of their love growing in her to get her by, a situation the chuunin could never dream of since it was impossible for them to conceive.

It was selfish, he knew, to have made the decision on his own, but to have his love suffer through out the rest of his life mourning over his death was not something Kakashi would have liked. It was better to cut off the ties before such things happen. At least now Iruka would have someone else to love and so move on with his life, to be happy even if it was with someone else.

The thought clawed at his heart, suddenly making it hard for him to breathe. It hurts to love someone so much yet having to push him away because it was the only way to protect them. Kakashi stared into his mirror image with disgust. _You're a coward. _


	3. chapter 2: wish to drown

_A.N.: NWS for a sexual content and erm... a mature theme (a partial noncon) but if you wish to skip it, I've marked the start and the end of the content with an *. Enjoy. Once again reviews would be awesome. I like listening to your views on the story, both good and bad ones._****

Chapter 2

Iruka found himself staring blankly into space, the loud chattering surrounding him becoming one with the background, altogether ignored.

A slight cough brought him back to his senses. A little blush stained his cheeks and his signature scar. "Sorry about that, Shikamaru-kun." he scratched the back of his head sheepishly, embarrassed at getting caught dreaming away while he was suppose to do his work at the mission desk. Shikamaru handed him his report wordlessly. Iruka immediately scanned through its contents before putting on his smile once more. "Thank you for your hard work, Shikamaru-kun." with the dull thud of the approval stamp, Iruka tucked the scroll away in the _Approved _box. He then took a good look at his old student. A sad smile spread upon his lips. It seems as if it was only yesterday he had caught the young man in front of him sleeping in his class. Watching how fast the Shikamaru he knew grew up made Iruka feel a little nostalgic. Shikamaru was turning out to be a fine young man. Even more, after the passing of his team leader. "How have you been, Shikamaru-kun?" he could not help asking. Shikamaru let out a smile. "I'm fine, Iruka-sensei. And yourself?" A genuine smile finally grazed his lips after what felt like so long. "I'm good." they each remained there for a moment in a comfortable silence before Shikamaru excused himself. Bowing out of habit, Iruka suddenly called out to the younger chuunin just as he was about to step out the doors. "Shikamaru," said young man turned in surprise. "Take good care of Kurenai-san and the baby." Shikamaru cracked a grin before giving a short nod.

In these hard times, with the inevitable on-coming war, everyone has either lost or will lose someone precious to them. His mind then returned to a certain pale-haired jounin, wondering how he was fairing, before another part of him reprimanded him for caring. It had been a good month since he last heard of any news concerning the man, not that he was purposely searching for it. Surely he would have caught the man around the mission office at one point or another since Iruka had taken more hours at the mission desk, with a shortage of staff already as it is while the heap of missions that needed to be handed out grew bigger each day each day. Because of that shortage, more and more shinobi were sent out on missions, especially Jounins. Shaking off his straying thoughts, Iruka concentrated on organizing the scrolls.

These days, Iruka worked till the late hours, busy with the organizing of collected scrolls to be sent and arranging new ones for the next day. He also had to do the closing of the office for the night. By the time he was done, it was close to midnight. With a sigh, Iruka waved good bye to the 2 other staff members who stayed with him and made his way home.

After a while, he decided on making a detour to Ichiraku to get a little something to eat, having skipped his dinner while was swarmed with work earlier made his stomach grumble irritably at not having fed. It was good that Ichiraku had taken upon themselves to extend their opening hours to cater to the ninjas needs especially so during these busy periods.

"Hey Ayame-san, can I get the usual?" Iruka grinned as he pushed past the little curtain to seat at the bar. "Sure Iruka-sensei! In fact, we have it right here for you already." Ayame beamed. Iruka looked a little confused until a mob of silver hair made him pause at the entrance. There sat Kakashi, slurping his noodles, taking his time because the stall was empty save for Ayame and the boss, and now Iruka. Kakashi usually ate at a slower pace when it was only him and the shop keepers at Ichiraku, the need to cover his face was redundant since his face had been exposed to them on many occasions already. Besides, he liked to fully taste the noodles when it was still fresh from the pot, a chance he rarely had since most times he has to swallow his food in a fraction of second.

Iruka was frozen in place, unsure if he should just skip the meal altogether. But the bowl the boss had already presented made it seem rude if he decided to leave then. "Take a seat, Iruka-sensei. I'm almost done." Kakashi's rich voice came out sounding a little tired, his mask already back in place.

Letting out a heavy sigh, Iruka grabbed a stool a few seats away from the Jounin and sat. "No, just stay." with a brief grin at the boss, he thanked the man for his bowl of ramen. Iruka quietly dug into his food, leaving an awkward silence between the two shinobi. Ayame and the owner had already reverted their attention back to their chores. Kakashi took a sip of his warm sake, face conveniently covered by his large hand while his chin was still covered. Not that it was necessary since Iruka has seen every part of Kakashi naked for that matter. But things had to revert to how they were before they dated. Both men felt the tension just from seating a meter away from each other.

"Back so late Iruka-sensei? Don't you have work tomorrow?" Kakashi broke the silence trying to start a meaningless conversation to mask the awkward tension between the two. Iruka tensed up a little, feeling quite upset that Kakashi tried to be familiar around him. "As a matter of fact I do. But a hungry man needs to feed himself too, don't you think, _Kakashi-sensei_?" Kakashi let out a deep chuckle, which angered the younger man further.

Of course Kakashi liked it better when the other moaned his name in bed. Still, having heard his name roll off those soft pouty lips gave Kakashi butterflies in his stomach, despite the angry drawl. "Maa, maa, Iruka-sensei. Just trying to start a little small talk here. Don't need to sound all offended." cracking a grin, no matter how strained, gave Kakashi the pleasure of watching the man squirm further in frustration.

Iruka peeled his eyes away from the irritating grin and continued to eat his noodles. "I've not seen you around the mission office for more than a month, sensei." Iruka tried to sound nonchalant as he spoke. "Dare I ask, were you slacking away with your_ filth_ of a novel while the rest of us worked our asses off?" He knew he had struck quite a petty blow, but Iruka couldn't rein in his anger and frustration on the man any further. "_Slacking_ is too strong a word to put it.. But my, Iruka-sensei, were you really that worried about me? Stop it! You're making me blush." It was a bad habit, Kakashi told himself, to tease the man further than he should.

It was then, Iruka noticed the other was subtly clutching his side. Typically, no one would really notice, Iruka would have almost missed it too but being this close, and having to attend to the man's needs for years before they split, Iruka knew of the little habits and quirks Kakashi had. "You're lying. You were on a mission weren't you? Let me see the wound." Iruka had immediately stood up and almost dragged the other to the restroom behind. He ignored the fact that Kakashi had not out flat refused him. In fact, he was glad for it, knowing how stubborn the Copy nin could be.

Upon reaching the Gent's room, Iruka immediately peeled off Kakashi's vest and rolled up the shirt to see the injury hidden behind the bandages. Even the bandages were not wrapped properly, due to the awkward angle of the wound itself, making it hard for anyone to properly wrap it without help. Kakashi remained silent while he was manhandled by the tanned chuunin. "Why did you not go to the hospital for this?" Iruka gingerly touched the injured area, making the Jounin hiss at the contact. Immediately Kakashi pulled away to roll down his shirt. "Why do you care?" his words came forth a little too sharply. Pulling on his vest, Kakashi turned to give the other a lazed look. "Careful, Iruka-sensei, or people might think we're_ in love_." the words were said in a teasing manner, but the underlining tone spoke differently, subtly reminding the younger man of their long kept secret. Once again, Kakashi put on his cheerful grin, "I'll get going now since you're done molesting me. Good night Iruka-sensei." without waiting for the other to reply, Kakashi made the hand seals to pop back out of the restroom and back home.

Iruka was left speechless in the restroom. His eyes were still glued to the spot Kakashi occupied before teleporting himself out. After a few moments, his knees gave out and Iruka found himself on the floor, tears threatening to fall. _No. I have had enough of crying over him._

After pulling himself together, Iruka walked back out, putting on his usual facade. Iruka was about to pull out his cash when Ayame stopped him. "It's alright, Iruka-sensei. Your bill was paid for." Iruka let out a small "Oh." then thanked them for the wonderful meal before making his way out. His mind was still reeling in the utter mess over the first non-monosyllabic conversation he had with Kakashi outside the mission office for over a year.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Hours later found himself standing outside of Kakashi's apartment. His feet had somehow brought him back to the familiar steps. He stood there for a few minutes, not moving, not even making the effort to knock on the door. Finally he heard the clicking sound of the door unlocking. Once again he found himself face to face with the Copy nin that same evening, only this time, he had initiated it.

"If you're done trying to imprint my doorway with your foot prints, would you mind telling me what you're here for?" Kakashi's voice drawled lazily. He was clad in the same uniform he had on earlier, sans vest. Iruka pushed himself in, putting on his teacher voice. "Let me dress and bandage your wound properly, and then I'll leave." Iruka was already in the bathroom, knowingly reaching out for the first-aid kit. Kakashi was surprised he still knew where everything was kept, even if nothing in his house was rearranged after Iruka stopped coming over. Shutting the door close and locking it up, Kakashi made his way to the bedroom. The bathroom was way too small to be having 2 fully grown men standing there trying to move about.

Iruka brought out the kit and set the things he needed, including the medicated salve that the Hokage specially concocted to speed up the healing process of open wounds. Kakashi obediently shed off his shirt but left his mask on and waited patiently for the tanned man to address to his huge gash.

Iruka's gentle hands took special care in the entire process of unwinding the old bandage, cleaning the wound and applying the salve. Kakashi winced a little each time his hands came into contact with the open wound. After dressing the wound up nicely, Iruka took a moment to study the other new bruises and cuts that littered the pale skin of the jounin's body, his fingers gently touching each one. Kakashi took in a sharp intake of breath each time the chuunin's fingers touch got a little too close to his sensitive spots and shivered mildly at being handled by the gentle fingers that years back, held him lovingly. Stopping himself, Iruka grabbed a clean roll of bandage and wrapped up the dressed wound, tugging the bandage tight, yet not tight enough to cut off any blood supply. He proceeded to get up and leave once he was done, but a firm grip on his arm stopped him. "Don't think you can walk out of here as and when you want to, not after forcing your way in, Iruka-sensei." Kakashi's voice was hoarse, but the feral look in his eyes reflected uncontolled lust. Before he could even blink, Iruka suddenly found soft but chapped lips right next to his. After a few failed attempts of resisting, he finally gave in and drowned himself in the moment; Sensations left untouched since the last time they made love.

*

Kakashi knew he should not have done what he did, but at the moment, all conscience thoughts left his mind leaving him with all the raw emotions he felt for the tanned chuunin. His hands crept up under the shirt and caressed the tanned skin hidden underneath. He missed the soft but scarred texture of his Iruka's skin beneath his fingers, areas untouched for more than a year. His tongue retraced the familiar areas of Iruka's mouth, feeling each tooth, trying to reach for the tonsils at the back of his throat, and _oh _the agile tongue that responded to his every touch, doing its own retracing in his own mouth.

His other hand kept itself busy in the dark chocolate strands, releasing the hair tie easily to have the soft dark hair fall sexily across Iruka's shoulders.

Pulling away for that very much needed breath, Kakashi felt a shiver rush down his spine at the way Iruka panted so wantonly. With the pent up sexual tension, having been separated for so long, they relished each moment desperately. Ripping the chuunin's top off not too gently, Kakashi's mouth quickly latched onto the soft skin in between the protruding collar bones, sucking and licking at it hungrily while his hands guided the younger man to straddle across his lap. "Ah..Kaka..sh.." Iruka's hands buried themselves in the soft silvery locks, pulling at the strands while his sensitive skin was lapped at.

Kakashi grinned, relieved that he could still evoke such an erotic reaction from his former lover. He was intent on leaving a dark mark on the tanned skin. His libido somehow found the dark strands tickling his nose while he licked and nipped, very arousing. Letting go of the spot, he left a trail of kisses to his next destination. His fingers got themselves busy with the an erect nipple while his tongue circled the other. "Ahh...." the tanned man back arched, pushing his chest closer toward the maddening tongue, his fingers clutched tighter onto the silver strands. His body was already shivering uncontrollably. Kakashi gave a deep hum in approval, undoubtedly producing more sensations to drown the chuunin further into mad lust. His free hand rubbed at the small of Iruka's back, encouraging him.

The growing hardness rubbing so licentiously under him further fueled Iruka's passion. The dark haired man responded by grinding his hips further into the erection, circling his hips while he did so, grinding harder and harder each circulation. The jounin elicited a deep growl, instinctively thrusting his hips upwards. "Gods, Iruka... so hot." His own pants were also feeling a little tight. Iruka ran a hand down to quickly undo both their pants but suddenly stopped short of the buttons on Kakashi's trousers, reality finally sinking in. "hn...nnn-no... wait... Kakashi." gasping for breath while he opened his heavily lidded eyes to stare down at the bi-colored ones. "We.. we can't do this." His hand moved up to gently push the older man away from his latch. The feral glint in the eyes of the Sharingan Kakashi caused a cold shiver down Iruka's spine, fear slowly creeping in. "And why not? From the looks of it, you're very much enjoying this too, Iruka-_kun_." the pale fingers were suddenly at his crotch, squeezing the hardened length enclosed in fabric, hard. Iruka let out a yelp at the sudden pressure. He tried to pull himself away, but from his position straddled across the Jounin's lap, made it a little harder for him to do so, especially when a firm hand rested on the small of his back not allowing him to leave. "Kakashi, this is... this is all wrong." The cruel smirk appeared on the copy nin's lips, making him looks down right dangerous.

Within a second, Iruka found himself pinned onto the bed. Kakashi had flipped them around leaving the more powerful shinobi on top, single-handedly pinning both of the chuunin's wrists. "There's nothing wrong with it, Iruka-sensei. We're just two adults having sex." The black spots of the sharingan eye started spinning, capturing the chuunin's gaze. Kakashi grabbed a hitai-ate off the side table, not entirely sure whose it was but not really bothering at that moment, and bounded the wrists trapped beneath his fingers to the steel frame of his bed. Iruka's arms were left at an unnatural angle making it harder for the chuunin to escape. Moist redden lips traveled south of the toned and tanned body, a red tongue occasionally slithered out to taste the slightly salty taste of the caramel skin, dipping itself into the belly button moving in and out, fucking the hole thoroughly with his tongue. Iruka's breath hiked at the sinfully erotic sight, eyes interlocking with the mismatched ones while the hot tongue fucked his belly button in a steady rhythm.

Long pale fingers rubbed the harden length firmly through the fabric, occasionally giving it a teasing squeeze. "Haaa!" Iruka's head fell back, digging deeply into the soft pillows beneath. His eyes were shut tight as his body shivered uncontrollably at the sensory overload. Iruka's scream was music to Kakashi's ears. His grin grew a little wider while his fingers worked their way to free the undoubtedly leaking length from its confines. The exposed length rubbed freely against his neck while he continued with his assault on Iruka's belly button. After giving the circumference a final lap, the warm red tongue moved to a different location, down south to the leaking peak of Iruka's fully erect penis.

Kakashi coated the entire length with his saliva, greedily lapping up the bitter pre-cum that formed at its peak. He paid extra attention to the pulsating vein on the underside of Iruka's rock hard erection before carefully scraping his teeth across the sensitive head. Iruka let out an erotic squeal each time Kakashi did that. "Kakashi, stop it. Please release me." Iruka pleaded but it was futile. Instead, Kakashi engulfed the entire length, sucking it hard in his mouth. Kakashi took special care in applying suction and occasionally teeth on the length, letting his mouth slide down smoothly then sucking hard as he dragged his lips back up. "Ah... ahh.. Kakashi!" It only took a few minutes before Iruka spilled his seed into the warm cavern of Kakashi's mouth. The pale man hungrily swallowed every drop of cum before licking up the streaks that spilled out of his lips. Once the length was lapped clean, Kakashi moved up to kiss the panting man deeply, letting him taste himself off Kakashi's mouth. Iruka weakly responded to the kiss, his mind still hazy from his mind blowing ejaculation.

As the lips pulled away all too soon, Iruka suddenly felt a rough probing in his ass and whimpered in pain. Kakashi had never been this rough on him even when he was angry, so seeing this violent side of the copy nin was a rude discovery to Iruka. He was barely prepared when he felt the thick girth of Kakashi's erection penetrated not too gently into him, causing him to let out a pained scream. "Kakashi.. stop! You're hurting me!" It did not take long for Kakashi length to bump into Iruka's prostate. The trapped chuunin could not help the wanton moans that escaped his lips. Encouraged by the erotic moans, Kakashi moved harder and faster into him. Iruka's legs were roughly draped across the pale shoulders. At the change of angle, Kakashi's length hit harder against the sweet spot, causing the other to yowl in ecstasy. The rough assault to his abused anal cavity somehow turned him on further and once again, Iruka's erection began leaking. Kakashi managed to snake in free hand to jerk the tanned man off, moving his hand to the rhythm of his frantic fucking. Th speed increased until finally both man came, calling out each others name. Kakashi limply collapsed on top of Iruka. It did not take long before sleep overcame the exhausted jounin, falling asleep right after pulling himself out of the chuunin.

*

Iruka sobbed miserably, disgusted at himself for falling right into Kakashi's sinfully woven trap. He was disgusted at his own inability to resist the temptations presented to him. But most of all, he was disgusted at himself for still loving the man even after he was carelessly thrown away without so much as an explanation to why. Despite being toyed with time and time again, Iruka knew that he heart was forever sealed to love the man sleeping soundly atop of him, relishing in the warmth of the pale skinned man above and the feeling of warm sticky moisture in between his legs knowing that once day breaks, these would all never happen again. He finally fell asleep wondering if his already broken heart could break any further.


	4. Chapter 3: Old Winter's Song

A.N.: Thank you for the reviews! My greatest apologies for the long wait and the short chapter. I got caught up a little with school work and all! By the way, the title was inspired and borrowed from one of the wonderful Shiina Ringo's songs, _Kareha_. And I just made a little change to chapter 2's title (to shorten it) but yeah, the content there's the same.

Anyways, enjoy!

**Chapter 3**

Iruka woke up and found himself cocooned nicely in a warm blanket that smelled fresh. He went through a short period of recognition, shock and then realization on where he was and how he got there the moment he got up. Pulling the warm blanket up, to snuggle in it a little, Iruka breathed in deeply the fresh scent of the laundry detergent Kakashi loved so much. It smelled faintly of him. Looking around, the entire house seemed as if it were locked in a time capsule. Not a single item had changed ever since he stopped dropping by. It brought back fond memories locked up in his mind.

It was still dark out. Iruka took a glance at the clock to find that he was right, it was at least a good two hours before sunrise, meaning he still had plenty of time to roll around in bed- Kakashi's bed- and still make it to class on time. He was in his slumber when his sharp sense of smell picked up on the faint scent of blood. He panicked for a while and lifted the blanket. He checked his nude body for any signs of blood- not that he did not expect any, seeing how rough they were just hours before- but instead, he was taken by surprise to see how clean he was. All traces of semen and perspiration on his self were wiped cleanly off his body. A sad smile made its way to his lips, thinking of the sweet gesture on the Jounin's part while his heart ached at the thought of the non-existent love behind it. It was probably out of habit, Iruka reasoned with himself.

Still, that did not solve the mystery behind the faint metallic scent of blood. It suddenly occurred to the Chuunin that Kakashi was also very well not present either. Sitting up, Iruka looked around frantically for any signs of the silver haired man. It was only when he heard the shower running did Iruka calm himself down.

_Wait, what if his wound reopened?_ Iruka got off the bed and hesitantly made his way towards the bathroom. _  
At the rate we were going at it, I'm very sure it has reopened._ Iruka cursed himself for partially causing the wound to worsen when his intention was to help the other heal.

Knocking gently on the door to the bathroom, Iruka called out, "Kakashi, is your side alright?" hearing no reply, Iruka opened the door and helped himself into the occupied room. His sight took a moment to filter through thick clouds of steam. The bloody smell got stronger. Looking down to see the pile of ruined bandages, he then caught sight of blood streaming down Kakashi's side, said man clutching his wound. "Kakashi! You're bleeding again!" Iruka immediately got by the pale body and pulled the hand away from the bleeding wound. Kakashi was barely standing. His other arm was braced against the wall, keeping the man up.

"Go away! I'm fine. Just go back to sleep. You need your rest." the thin pale lips were quivering from the pain- it could not be the cold seeing how high the thermostat of the water heater was set on.

"Shut up and let me help you!"

Silently giving in, Kakashi finally moved his hand when Iruka pushed it away and remained as still as he could, braced against the wall, while Iruka got to work cleaning up most of the blood. Feeling satisfied when most of the blood was cleaned off, the younger man turned off the shower head and dried Kakashi off like one would with a child. While Iruka's face remained grim dealing with the wound, Kakashi watched the younger man intently, all the while his mind kept going on and on about how this should all not be happening. His face however, remained as cool and aloof as it would usually be.

As soon as Iruka was done with the bandaging, Kakashi got up and pulled on his uniform and mask. "Thank you, Iruka-sensei. You can get back to bed now. You still have about an hour before you have to get up. Breakfast is on the table, milk and juice are in the fridge." Kakashi took off without another word, although this time, Iruka did not bother to stop him. He knew it was _his_ daily ritual and Iruka had never restricted Kakashi from that. With a sigh, Iruka made his way back to the bedroom to pick up his clothes to make himself decent again.

Kakashi came home later that day to find his bed neatly made up. The bloody mess he had unintentionally left behind was cleaned up as well. Kakashi felt a little embarrassed, now that Iruka probably knew how practically nothing in his house had changed since they broke off. Iruka had always brought about subtle changes to the house every time he came over; Kakashi would suddenly find new articles and items in his house. Iruka even managed to pull out items kept in the storage area in his house, left abandoned there because Kakashi honestly had no idea what to do with them, somehow displaying them beautifully and even made them purposeful. Although they lived separately, each house still had a strong yet subtle presence of the other in their homes, like how everything was kept in pairs, even if they lived alone. There were a couple of times visitors, such as Team 7, would come in to Iruka's apartment and ask about it. And each time, Iruka would give the excuse of "getting it cheaper in pairs" or or some other vague replies. Kakashi on the other hand would pull out one of his many weird replies like, "I figured it'll get lonely, so I got a friend for it."which he'll get either a snort or a gawking gape of shock at either Kakashi's reasoning itself or at the fact that he could actually pull out a lame excuse, expecting others to believe him.

Even now Kakashi felt very much like the jerk he was, if not more, having the man he practically raped, clean the house before leaving. He slumped against a wall, cursing himself for losing control and hurting the very man he wanted to protect. He had no right to feel angry at Iruka for going out with Genma, or anyone else really. That was his intention to begin with; to make Iruka happy. And now he was ruining it all with a stupid mistake. Obito and Rin would be disgusted with him if they knew what he had done to the very man he loved. Kakashi was already feeling so.

Iruka winced a little when he plopped down a little too hard on his chair, the pain jolted up his spine. Last night was a little rough on his ass but it was something that would help him in the near future in his lonely nights. It was embarrassing how Iruka still jerked off to Kakashi even after everything he had been through. In fact with was just degrading. Iruka did not like degrading himself that way, but really, pride is worthless on a broken item. Still, he had sworn to himself never to shed another tear for his shattered heart. It was worthless to cry over spilled milk. After all, it was just casual sex.

After an hour of grading the student's homework, Iruka packed up and got ready to leave. He took a look at the clock and figured that he just did not have enough time to eat. With a tired sigh, Iruka took off for his next job.

Iruka walked into the Missions Office and saw a package on his desk. It was a nicely tied up bento set. "What's this?" he immediately asked one of his neighbors, feeling rather confused. Perhaps someone might have misplaced it.

"Oh that! Sakura-chan dropped by earlier and left that for you, saying how much you've been losing weight. So she took it upon herself to feed her old teacher." Ageha, a young chuunin konoichi answered with a lovely smile. "Such a sweet girl she is, isn't she?" another added before both kunoichis giggled.

"Oh. Well, that was nice of her." Iruka was still somewhat confused but did not give it a second thought, since Sakura did meet him earlier that week and voiced her concerns about his weight loss. It brought a smile to his lips. Just as well, he was hungry and how could he say no to such a lovely gift from one of his ex-students? Iruka untied the wrap cloth and uncovered the lid of the lunch box to find most of his favorite dishes neatly presented inside. He made a mental note to thank Sakura and return her the pretty lunch box later before tucking into his meal.

Grabbing straight for the fried salmon, Iruka took a big bite and chewed on it. The burst of flavor in his mouth while he chewed made Iruka grin stupidly. How had she known just how he wanted his salmon to be done; lightly fried with a hint of lemon to rid off the fishy taste? It was heavenly! Why, the last time he tasted such a well fried salmon was a little more than a year ago when Kakashi surprised him with a home-made lunch on the day he had to skip his lunch just to clean up the mess his class made earlier. Now that Iruka thought of that, it was uncanny how the similar his packed lunch tasted to the ones Kakashi used to make him.

Iruka swallowed the chewed up carrots and broccoli in his mouth slowly and stared at his lunch box. He reached out for the sliced up carrots and studied them one by one. "What's wrong Iruka-sensei?" one of his colleagues suddenly called out worriedly.

Popping his chopsticks in his mouth Iruka smiled reassuringly and shook his head. "Nah, it's nothing!" He continued chewing his rice and went back to his lunch. Once again he eyed his carrots. Apparently, Sakura learned more than just ninja-studies from her squad leader.


	5. Chapter 4: Camouflage

Chapter 4: Camouflage

Sometimes Kakashi would think about disappearing far away from Konoha, to some nameless town with Iruka by his side; away from the foreboding war. Away from the increasing death toll. Away from the entire shinobi life, and live happily ever after, like in fairy tales. Sometimes he would even think of death, asking for it to come and take him away where he could rest forever but Kakashi knows wishing is silly, because it would never happen the way he wanted it to. And even if it did, it would mean 2 less shinobi to protect the very village he grew up in, and more deaths to the people Iruka cared for.

With a deep sigh, Kakashi resigned to thinking that what ever he was doing was probably for the best. By keeping away from Iruka, he would be able to defend the village, and if anything happened to him, it'll be one less person to shed tears for.

* * *

Iruka sighed when he added yet another empty lunch box to his growing pile. There was no helping it. Each time he got to work, he would find a packed lunch box waiting for him on his desk. Whoever had been anonymously feeding must have had a lot of time and money to carefully prepare his meals. It was flattering and sweet of the person to do so, and to think that his meals had been monitored daily made Iruka want to smile fondly.... or pull his hair out of frustration. For the love of mother nature, he was an able man, fully capable of taking care of himself!

"Iruka-sensei~!" Naruto waved from a distance, immediately closing it with his little jump-hug. It was cute when he was younger, but now that the boy was almost as tall as him, Iruka was happy to still be standing upright in the aftermath.

"Oi, oi! You've grown bigger haven't you?" Iruka held his ex-student at an arm's length and studied the boy.

"Of course I have! That perverted old man kept starving me though, all in the name of that stupid book of his!" Naruto pretended to gag but was interrupted when a familiar silver haired man dropped from the branches.

"Only you would not understand a classic, that is, _the_ Icha-Icha series."

Naruto beamed widely, seeing both his old teachers . "Kakashi-sensei, are you still into that stuff?"

Kakashi's eye curved up happily, yet not quite answering the question. Instead, he turned to acknowledge the academy sensei. "Iruka."

Iruka put on a smile and nodded back in greeting. Their little awkward greeting slipped by Naruto's attention as he pulled out a new book from Jiraiya.

"Here you go, Kakashi-sensei. A gift from Jiraiya-sensei himself for being such a loyal fan of his Icha-icha series."

Kakashi took the book graciously from the boy and flipped open the front page. Once again with a hint of a smile through the only exposed part of his face, Kakashi shut it close and thanked the son of his teacher, now under his own tutelage.

In a flash, traces of the silver hair disappeared.

Iruka watched in silence before his ex-student snapped him out of his daze.

"Iruka-sensei, are you alright? You seem a little out of it." Naruto's looked at his old academy school teacher in concern.

"Yeah, I'm alright. Shall we head over for some lunch? I'm starving!" It took little to steer the boy's attention, which Iruka did with food. It was best that Naruto was left in the dark about their little problem. He was not even aware that they were ever together to begin with, let alone facing a turbulence despite having end their relationship a year prior. In the eyes of the little nine-tail carrier, they each had nothing to do with the other except through him.

* * *

In the privacy of an abandoned rooftop, Kakashi flipped open the book once again. In it was a short message from Jiraiya himself. At a glance, it seemed like a normal message that an author would have written to a fan, but as one of Kakashi's key principles in life was to read beneath the underneath. His mind had quickly rearranged the words to form the true message the Sennin had sent him, making full use of Kakashi's principles on him. _They are on the move,_ the words finally formed. Immediately, the silver haired jounin rushed over to the hokage tower to warn Tsunade.

* * *

Iruka found himself that night standing outside Kakashi's door... _again_. This time, he has with the piles of lunch boxes he had growing in his kitchen. On top of the neat pile, were two not-so-empty boxes, both filled with Kakashi's favourites, egg-plant miso, rice and natto.

He fidgeted a little. His mind kept telling him to leave the boxes outside the unopened door and return home, but his heart compelled him to stay. Finally after 10 minutes of fidgeting, Iruka gathered his courage and knocked on the door.

"What are you doing here?"

Iruka yelped out as the sudden voice had him startled.

"Will you stop doing that?" Iruka automatically reprimanded the pale haired man, whose door he had just knocked, only to have him appear unnoticed from behind, instead of the front where he should have been.

Kakashi chuckled at loud reaction, one which never he cease to receive from the academy teacher each time he pulled such a stunt.

"Didn't anyone tell you that it's rude to answer a question with a question?" an eye curved upwards amusedly.

Iruka pouted instinctively at that. "Well, aren't you doing it too?"

"So why are you _still_ keeping it up?"

"Weren't you the one who started this?" Iruka fumed and got even more frustrated at himself when he realized that he had, in fact, unknowingly fell into the older man's trap.

"But isn't this fun?" Kakashi chuckled quietly to himself as the other turned redder by the moment.

"I'm here to return these boxes to you." Iruka finally replied firmly, breaking himself away from the mindless argument he was involving himself into.

"Aww. You broke the chain." Kakashi spoke without a hint of regret in his voice. Instead he shrugged of the entire matter as if it hadn't mattered to him in the least bit, and walked past the tanned chuunin to get to his door.

"Kakashi, I'm not here to play games with you. Here, take your bento boxes. And also, I figured since you're back this late, that you haven't had your dinner. So I took it upon myself to make you some." Iruka brought up his bag of piled food containers, carefully balancing the two filled boxes at the top, a frown pulled at his lips.

Kakashi looked down at the offerings before reverting his eyes up to the chocolate brown ones.

"You _do_ realize I can't finish those on my own, right? Since you took such efforts to make it, why don't you just come in and eat with me?" Kakashi unlocked the door and held it open for the brunette.

Iruka stood dumbfounded at the door.

"It's not like I prepared a feast for you. It's just miso and rice." he finally mumbled. "And I probably shouldn't."

Kakashi let out a tired sigh and dropped all facades he had been holding up the entire time.

"Look, it's just for dinner alright. It's not like I'm asking you for anything else."

Iruka watched the tired gray eyes looking back into his own brown ones. He finally let out the breath he had unknowingly held and gingerly stepped into the house, once upon a time he could walk in without feeling the little ache in his heart.

He placed the bento boxes on the counter top and watched the man fall heavily into the couch before bending down, not without a wince, to unwind the bandages on his calves.

Leaving the bento boxes abandoned on the counter top for a few moments, Iruka headed over to the jounin and took it upon himself and held the hands still.

"Stop. Let me do it before you bust open that wound of yours again." Unsmilingly, the tanned man unwound the bandages with practiced ease.

"Let me check the one on your back too, since I'm here."

Kakashi smiled tiredly and muttered a word of thanks as he let the younger man take charge of things, his body was just too tired from the lack of sleep the past few days. He could suddenly feel his age catching up with him.

The entire exchange was quiet. No one spoke much, and as awkward as it was, it was all surprisingly peaceful. In fact it was so peaceful that they were both painfully aware just how easy it was for them to fall back into the routine the had stopped over a year ago.

After the quiet supper, Iruka headed back home, leaving Kakashi alone with his thoughts. Somehow, now that the brunette had left, loneliness crept in.

"Hey boss, that kid was just here wasn't he? I can smell his scent all over the kitchen and the couch."

Kakashi shrugged uninterestedly at the comment the little pug made.

Seeing the lack of response from his current master, Pakkun gave an audible sigh. "Why do you humans like to complicate the simple things in life? You mate, have pups, bring them up and move on."

Kakashi frowned, frustration growing worse by the minute. He ignored the fact that it was impossible for himself and Iruka to have children, even if they tried.

"It's not that simple. I have issues with myself too big for myself to deal with. It'll only wear him down in the end."

Pakkun rolled his eyes, reading his current pack leader's words were just absurd.

"It's all in your head kid, it's all in your head. Deal your problems together, I don't see you having problems doing just that with the rest of the pack."

Kakashi gave no reply as he continued his preparations for the mission he had in the next few hours. It was an important mission he had to carry out, one which could make or break their village. He was entrusted by the old lady and Jiraiya to scout out for the dangers and settle them at a far away from the village. All he had with him were a handful of ANBU members. War was fast approaching the village, and he'd be damned if they could not at least hold it out for a little longer. Facing it would be the inevitable, but Kakashi held on to his hope. There were far too many innocent civilians and children still wondering about the streets, oblivious to the current situation., but his mind centered about a tanned face of the academy teacher.

After final checks of his equipments, Kakashi pulled up his mask and headed out to face danger in the eye.


End file.
